my mouth tastes like poor choices
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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