i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
