did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
