i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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