nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
