my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
