i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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