No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
it glows. i had to have it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
