if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
