too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
