If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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