Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
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I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
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Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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