youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
