3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
