when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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