At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
