I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
