i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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