and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
