i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
