her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize