these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Randomize
