oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
