I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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