so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
