Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
