he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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