why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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