Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
