I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
