so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
