we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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