I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
