i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
