i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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