why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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