Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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