dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
