Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
