I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
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i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
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I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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