Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
