Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
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Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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