all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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