apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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