i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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