Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
