he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
