And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
