Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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