My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
