you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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