dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
