Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
