you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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