We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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