Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
