We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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