I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
