I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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