shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
