Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the condom got lost in my hair
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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