I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
