I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
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You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
please don't ironically join a cult
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