Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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