She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
