you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
