Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
