i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
