YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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