His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
