your parents love me but you hate me
Do you still have your period?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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