I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize