I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
